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Guilty By Association

written by John Chow on January 4, 2009

How one lazy bum made $176,697.50

Many years ago, I used to run my sites out of an office building in an industrial part of Richmond. There were two other tenants in the building. One was an auto repair shop. The other was a drug dealer who used his unit to make illegal substances. He was eventually busted after a month long police sting operation. I thought that was hilarious because the previous tenant was a marijuana grow op.

The laugh ended when the landlord informed me that I would have to leave or be evicted. It seem he thought I was a drug dealer as well because I had associated with the dealer and my lifestyle seem to mirror his. I wouldn’t show up to the office until around noon and the first thing I did was go for lunch. I used the office more as a hang out more than anything else. The sign on the door read “By Appointment Only” but there was no phone number listed anywhere for people to call. Of course, I wasn’t a drug dealer but that didn’t seem to matter to the landlord. I was guilty by association.

You Are Who You Associate With

Have you ever noticed that successful people hang around other successful people? Birds of feather really do flock together. If you’re a jock, then chances are most of your friends are jocks as well. If you’re a nerd, then you hang around other nerds, If you’re broke, then chances are you don’t have many rich friends. This is not by accident. This is the Law of Attraction at work. You attract to you what you are.

One of the reasons many commentators disagree with my Never Live On Cash post is because of the power of association. The commentators asked me how many people I know who never run a credit card balance? The answer is everyone I know. I hang around financially responsible people who know the difference between good debt and bad debt. I don’t hang around people who are financially irresponsible. The people you hang with affects your reality. I had assumed that everyone pays off their credit cards because all my friends do that. However, others assume most don’t pay off the balance because none of their friends do.

The power of association is extremely powerful in the way it dictates who you are and how much money you make. If you want to change yourself or you lifestyle, then quite often, it will require you to change the circle of people you associate with.

Are Your Friends Keeping You Down?

It is said that you are the average of the five people you hang out with most. Take a look at your five closest friends. If they are not where you want to be, then it may be time to find five new people who are.

Dumping friends because they’re not where you want to be may seem cold but one of the biggest barriers to success is quite often the people you hang around with. They laugh at your crazy dreams and say you’re wasting time trying to be a big money blogger. More often than not, you’ll let your friends keep you down because of peer pressure and the desire for acceptance. However, If you want to break out of the rat race, then you may need to stop spending so much time with your current buddies and start associating with people who have the same dreams and goals as you.

The truth of the matter is, you’re not really leaving your friends. More often than not, it will be your friends who will leave you. As you move up the ladder of success, your old friends will no longer be able to relate to you. There will also be the jealousy factor as well.

In order to continue climbing the ladder of success, I make sure I associate with other successful people. I thought I was doing well when I was making $10,000 per month. Then I started associating with people like Shoemoney and Neil Patel. Now, I can’t imagine living on only $10K per month. If you aspired to be more than what your friends want to achieve, then you’re going to have to find others at your level or above and start associating with them. Birds of feather flock together. Success breeds success. This is why the rich get richer. If you want to become rich, you need to hang with the rich.

Perception is 9/10 Reality

I wasn’t a drug dealer. But because my landlord saw me associating with a drug dealer, I got branded a drug dealer. Perception is a really powerful thing. For a politician, perception is reality. For the rest of us, perception is 9/10 reality.

Just by hanging around successful people, you are perceived as a successful person yourself. This is based on the birds of feather flock together mentality. It is perceived that the rich don’t hang out with the poor and vica verse. If you associate with successful people, you are perceived as successful even if you’re not. The cool thing about this perception is it can manifest into reality. Hang around successful people long enough and you’ll become one of them.

Success Is A Team Effort

Success really is a team effort. No man or woman has ever done it alone. Sure, it may seem like it sometimes. But I assure you, anyone who have achieved success had a supporting cast. Like it or not, the people you hang with is your supporting cast. They will either keep you down or lift you up. If they’re keeping you down, then it may be time to find a new supporting cast.

My advice. Don’t associate with a drug dealer. :P

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The one thing I can say is that my closest friends probably are a mold of me in one way or another. But I also know that someone has to be a leader. In any circle of friends, there is always one who is looked up to. Whether it be of jealously or whether it be as a role model. I think that you can take people with you on that rollercoaster ride called life. Some may follow and some may fall, but a true friend is hard to find. If you have found them, dont give them up because they are not as successful as you. Try to bring them to your level. everyone needs a helping had at some point.

This is how the world goes around

your blog is very informative and i need help to generate income

ver

I like the post, and I like that it's not in as arrogant a tone as it could have been.

Here's my question, though: if an unsuccessful person (like me) wants to associate with successful people, but successful people are being told to associate only successful people, how do I get in there?

I think your right. You are who you hang with but what about reaching someone to pull them back from the cliff i did that and I don't regrate it even when she fell all the way and i had to back off from helping her I felt guilty but know it was for the best I just pray for her now. I think you are one smart man and thank you for letting me write you its really to late for me to do what you are doing i'm too old I still work for myself but I don't push anyone and haven't the straigth to made my business any bigger. God Bless you for helping others Shirley

This is a good post. Understanding this principle is what has allowed me to climb to the 10k/month mark. I hope to join the ranks of those who are double and triple that soon.

'Dumping' those who pulling you down is indeed important although a bit harsh. But the impact you receive by associating with losers will be greater in the long term. Logic vs emotion...very debatable.

Negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive. Maybe not all the time but I have seen so many times a person get trapped hanging around a negative thinking person. Before you know it, they are thinking negative as well. 'Life won't get better', 'Im stuck where Im at', 'Ill never be successful'...blah, blah, blah. People sometimes don't realize that they are getting dragged down by the people around them. Wanna be successful? Hang around successful people. Wanna be a dead-beat? Hang around dead-beats.

Wow! That has got to be the most insightful information I have read in a while. Looking at my 5 closest people that I associate with I realize I make the most money. Not good because I am nohwere near $10,000 a month. Thanks for the info and opening my eyes to something I could not see before.

George

Love the john chow/drug dealer affiliation story!

Great Article!

I agree with the guilt by association. met some people a few years ago and later on I had someone tell me that I should really consider who I associated myself with because I could be seen in a negative way because of people I knew, It didn't click right away but I soon found out what he meant.

So yes steer clear of drug dealers and any negative people.

by the way keep up the good work.

I would have been more offended to be associated with a grease monkey.

Great post John. I want to hang out with you!

Two thoughts on this. The first is that changing who you want to hang around with is not easy. I realized sometime back that I was avoiding certain people in my life and having judgments about them -- and that this was mainly because they were rich and successful.

I told myself that anyone driving a fancy car must be morally suspect in some way and that the rich people I knew got there by being dishonest. Looking closer I saw that I held successful people to a much higher "moral" standard than others. And I saw how this held me back.

So one night in a fit of inspiration I contacted a wealthy and successful acquaintance and asked to have coffee with him. Later that week, during the coffee, I came clean and shared with him how I'd been avoiding him and judging him and how I wanted to change that. And how I had no agenda for this coffee other than to get to know him as a person.

Well he started to share with me some of his difficulties and I heard about his struggles. Then he offered me a ride home in his Porsche and on the way he said he wanted to offer me something (and that he'd had no intention of offering it to me before the coffee). He said he'd met with his team that morning and they needed someone with my skill set and that he'd like me to be part of the team.

Now we are working together to build a profitable business.

Who you associate yourself with is very important. You shouldn't have to worry about what other people think & I tend not to most of the time, but I have to admit that sometimes it does matter, especially if you plan on doing business with someone else.

Some people are good to be around and inspire you whilst others drag you down.

Change your company and experience business success sounds an interesting idea to me.

A loser may be of different types,if someone doesn't get anything today ,he will get it tomorrow. The times flies,the life changes, only its principle is just the same-victory comes after defeat,after the defeat comes victory.

I can't really agree with this I would Never look at my friends that i know from my youth Like that. People who do that were the ones in high school that nobody wanted to hang out with you know who the people that got social problems now that they got older. So they would take anyone that came along. I do pretty good and i still hang out with some of those crazy friends that did messed up things to those types of people I'm talkin about. So I don't see your point. yes you could probly make more money but from my experinace you could have everything but if you don't have people to share it with that you think are great then your just a lonly NERD lol remember there are alot of fake people out there be careful when chossing friends. I'm personly a GEEK

John, I really enjoy your insights and your giving heart. You are successful because of who you are...not what you do. As for this article there are many truths connected to your words. I have always imagined myself on a ladder that represents knowledge, wisdom, success, life experiences, etc. For myself at 52 I believe that I'm about half way up that ladder. And because I'm about half way up, I always try to surround myself with other people that are above my rungs that I stand on. That way I am always being helped up with people that are above me with their knowledge, wisdom, and success that I need to grow...and to step up to the next rung with. Thats not to say people that are coming up that ladder behind me are "losers"...they are not. Everyone one of us is a winner in our own way. We all have something to give to someone else...no exceptions. Everyone of us is on our own "journey" that crosses over many other journeys...and its these journeys that cross over that makes life such a wonderful place to be. My thought is this, "learn from everyone...but choose who you put on the ladder ahead of you...their helping you up"
Thank you for allowing me to add my 2 cents...for what its worth....

I read your thoughts, Docbob, and couldn't help commenting. I could feel you writing from the depths of your heart and meaning every word you say. Being 52 means you truly have been there, done that and bought that t-shirt, so to speak. And yes, thanks for this in particular - “learn from everyone…but choose who you put on the ladder ahead of you…their helping you up” :)

Oof. That was a tough one. Looks like I need to seek out some successful friends. I have been thinking about this lately and this post covers why I've been feeling so unsuccessful lately.

Onward and upward!

Thank you.

im kicking all my friends to the curb haha jp

but it's true, you are who you you're friends are, i took out a few friends or so when i started college, mainly because they weren't seeing the big picture of having a good education instead trying to find a job that actually pays well before gaining some type of degree. and holding on to it in hopes of getting raises every year and in the long run make the amount that they were looking for, when in all actuallity, if they had a degree they can start making that amoutn of money they worked 10 years for. just an example

good post though

john, these article is great and i quite agree with u to an extent, but it not that easy get rid of a close pal.

I remember this type of information being told to me as a teenager and at that time it went way over my head and out the door. Now that I have lived much more of life, this makes total sense. I think the Law of Attraction is extremely evident in this story. It makes me reflect on my 5 favs on my cell phone. Thanks for the inspiration.

Great Article John. This is really something we need to think about if we want to be successful. I've got a question though, what if you have a close friend that is average in terms of success but respects all of your decisions and does not hinder nor help your success? Would this person still "bring you down" if you start up the high road?

I don't quite agree that one must get rid of a friend who is a loser... I'd rather offer my help.

Hi John,

Great post, and VERY FUNNY story!

Also saw your video about what blogging for profits is all about. . nice. and good to know you're a mac user :) I"m a long time mac guy that joined the fray when Apple were looking like going under. . anyways, if you need any help with your mac, or iphone :), i'd be happy to help!

Derrick
One Month Blogging Newbie
http://www.TheNetExperiment.com

WE must learn to be successful. Better late than never!

Great post John. I also totally agree with this. The law of attraction is very powerful and works! So I am associating with you, I have to become successful! :-)

With a team effort you achieve a higher position and a higher achievement is gained.

CasTex
http://www.downloadic.com

You are who you hang with and perception is 9/10’s reality.

CasTex
http://www.downloadic.com

This is so true, I always tell my son the same thing, if you hang with losers, you become one very quickly,

I only associate myself with successful blogger like you ..John :)

John,

Happy New Year 2009! Great post!

Since my technical engineering project management gigs have faded during the current 'financial crisis', after a major infrastructure retrofit for Google's live broadcast tv and video-conferencing and edit suites in early 2008, I have shifted my attention to blogging and pay-per-click marketing efforts.

Through various contacts made through Twitter ( www.twitter.com/nachase ) BlogWorld Expo 2008 in Las Vegas, NV and other Social Media websites,I have been able to contact, and in some cases meet in person, and discuss my on-line marketing plans with experts like yourself, Guy Kawasaki, Sir Richard Branson, Shoemoney, Joel Comm, Darren Rowse, Chris Brogan, Jim Kukral and Tyler Cruz.

In no other business that I can think of, do so many beginning on-line bloggers and marketers have access to the thought-leaders such as yourself by utilizing Social Media and by being respectful and helpful to you and your peers at all times

I have even made peace with one of your Dot Com Pho peers, Michael Kwan, after some previous good-natured ribbing on-line, who I have promised to meet at Affiliate Summit West next week in Las Vegas.

Your constant attention to the important things to consider, including FUN! are appreciated.

Since July 2008 I have seen the potential for my on-line success beginning to build, meeting you at BlogWorld Expo 2008 was both fun and inspirational, as you were real and a great encouragement to a new reader like me.

Looking forward to a prosperous, safe, healthy 2009!

Respectfully,

Nicholas Chase
www.twitter.com/nachase

ya, don't be afraid of making new friends,
just forget the fact they make $100,000 in a month.. and you'll do fine. :P

Getting through the "open door" is the hardest part.

Gee, sure yes. With a team effort you achieve a higher position and a higher achievement is gained.

John, I am trying to read the post: http://www.johnchow.com/why-you-should-never-live-... but I'm getting the following message: Die spammer! Die!

Of course, I am not a spammer :)

Can you help me?

If you got here to comment, then you should be able to read any pages on the blog. Chances the IP you were on before was banned because some spammer was using it to send comment spams.

I clicked on link http://www.johnchow.com/why-you-should-never-live-...
and it said DIE SPAMMER DIE, I'm very upset and offended!!

Sorry about that. I'm still fine tuning the IP script.

Wow John,
I liked many things about it.
Firstly the positivity, moral of the story that proves the very famous story of Bad Company (yes, that apple story).

Secondly I can't believe that you were once in that condition. I mean you are one of the most popular internet personalities and you earn really big bucks every month. (yes, we read your income report posts very often. :D)

And yes, it was a very good post.
Although I am very eager to read your very famous money making online posts.

Regards
Laksh
http://makemoneyonline-withme.blogspot.com/

Yes.. cant be wrong with that.. Birds with same feather flock together! Sadly..

This is the exact reason why I always read your blogpost ;)

Very true John.

At any given time, you are the average of the five people you most closely associate with.

John, you have just proved why you could reverse your title. By hanging out with people who are financially responsible, you are credible by association.

Indeed great post. I agree, friends can be one factor, but then again, many people are limited because of their parents, I have experienced this. Not your friends are "braking" you down, but your parents and family is. It's a really hard thing to leave, or say to the family that they're "braking" you down.

All the best,

The Moneyac

Surrounding yourself with positive people is a big step.

But cutting out your true friends because they aren't as successful as you'd like isn't always good.

I think there's a lot to be said for elevating those around you along with yourself.

That's what they teach you in direct sales; act successful and you'll be successful. I laughed when you said that you are the average of the five closest people you hang with. That's so true! What if a close friend was like you five years ago and now is really in debt? Do you drop that person as a friend or try to help them? I chose to say my peace to a friend like this about their destructive ways. Funny though....I don't see that person as much as I did before but not on purpose. I guess it's just the way it works:)

Your problem may be even your neighbours...

that sounds like a great office complex, but evicting john chow is mean, pure evil

Outstanding post, John.

Quite often, it's not your friends who are the problem, but your family.

I know many people who are trapped by their family or partners and it sickens me beyond belief.

Jamie