How To Get A Girlfriend (Part 3)
This post was guest blogged by Alex Shalman (RSS).
If you’re just tuning in, this is a series of articles on How To Get A Girlfriend. The logic behind posting this here is that John Chow gives you the best advice on making money online, which could leave you rich but tied down to your computer.
My job is to liberate you and find you a girlfriend that can spend the money for you. If you missed it, read the articles on Building Confidence and Approaching.
Assumptions. These aren’t articles on pick up artistry, in fact, they aren’t about manipulation at all. This is personal development at it’s finest. For this article I will assume that you already walked up to the girl, did some talking, and are now in the courting process after the first encounter.
Communicate Powerfully
Note: While reading this article, think about how you can apply this to potential business partners to help you make money online.
A. Compliment Them. Don’t go overboard here. There are several ways that you can use compliments, some of which can be used both in a genuine and manipulative way.
- Switch focus of the conversation. If you find yourself in a position where you don’t want to continue a certain topic, compliment something about them in order to switch focus.
- Attract Attention. The moment you compliment someone’s listening skills they become all ears. Tell her she’s a great listener if you need her to listen.
- Build Rapport. Rapport is basically the strength of the connection between two people. Telling her that you think it’s cool how much you two have in common, or how related you are (not like brother and sister, don’t be gross) will inevitably create relatedness.
B. Have Conviction. Speak with conviction and have a strong belief in yourself that you know what you are talking about. Part of being a charismatic leader is being able to draw people’s confidence in you. For this you need to believe in yourself. If you end up being wrong, clean it up later, but for now your way is law.
- Make sure you speak loudly. No one should ever have to ask you to repeat yourself or speak up.
C. Do Not Apologize. To make this work you need to avoid doing major things that really do deserve an apology. However, do not fall into the typical female trap/test where she complains and you grovel like a puppy. Apologizing does not make you look manly, neither does acting like a canine and jumping through hoops.
- Just tell her that you don’t think what you did warrants an apology and that you’re quite surprised that she overreacts so much. Say, “I thought you were more laid back than this… I don’t know if I like this new side of you.”
D. Ask The Questions. By asking questions you are effectively steering the conversation into the direction of your choice. You can answer most questions with a question. An old Jewish joke is: “Why do Jews ask so many questions?”, “Why not?”
- You want to have an air of mystery around you, because it leaves people (yes, this means potential girlfriends) yearning for more. Remember when you were little and your parents were taking you to the store to get ice cream later? The ice cream is the only thing you could think about as you anticipated the explosion of flavor that your tongue would experience. Once you ate the ice cream it was game over – it’s game over once she knows what she wants about you.
E. Body Language. Your body actually does most of the talking for you. You can get the girl without even speaking the same language as her, and that’s because body language is universal. There are hundreds of body language techniques, but there are a couple of basics that will get you into the game.
- Kino. This is when you gently pat certain areas of the women’s body, such as her arm, while making conversation. It makes them either comfortable with you, or excited, depending on how you do it.
- Big smile. A big smile makes people feel happy and at ease because they can sense that nothing is wrong. It also makes you look more attractive and creates a fun-to-be-around persona.
- Head butt. This works every single time. Come up to the girl you are talking to and give her a nice solid head butt. (Disclaimer: In case someone gets hurt, or in legal trouble, John Chow and I (Alex Shalman) are not taking responsibility)
- Take Up Space. If you’re standing keep your feet a solid shoulder width apart. If you’re sitting spread your legs and arms out. Basically take up as much space as you can. This puts out the message that this is your world, you’re confident, and you’re going to take up as much space as you damn well please!
F. Future Outlook. The number one tool to get a girl hooked is to create a future that both of you could live into. You see, when a person has a vision of a great future, the way this person acts right now is very different than if they were awaiting a dark, grim future. There are several ways to create this future.
- Create a bucket list. A bucket list is a goal list, which you can sit down and create together. You put vacation plans, date plans, movies you want to see, places you want to visit, foods you want to try, etc. onto your bucket list. You both look forward to doing this together.
- Relationship non-negotiables. As early as the first date, if you like the girl, you want to know how compatible you are. You want to make sure your non-negotiables do not clash. Some popular ones are kids (yes/no, how many?), where to live, who will work, religious beliefs, and expected lifestyle.
- Ficticous stories. A friend of mine used to tell these elaborate stories to girls he just met. He painted a picture of this island, with pink monkies, and a bunch of abnormal things. He said it would be their island. The first time I heard this I thought my friend had mental problems, but I quickly realized that this is hilarious and most importantly it worked for him. Both on random girls he met, and on the beautiful girlfriend he had acquired.
This series is going strong, so take the time to press the subscribe button on this blog so you don’t miss a thing. In one of the following articles we will be discussing ‘Does Having More Money Help You Get A Girlfriend?’
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- How to Get a Phone Number - Geiger - June 26, 2008 at 12:12 pm
- How To Get A Girlfriend (Part 4) | John Chow dot Com - July 4, 2008 at 12:51 pm
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Thank you for putting this up John. If anyone has specific and private questions about this subject you can reach through my website using the contact form.
After this week I’ll be away on vacation.
Btw if anyone is interested in Hugh Hefner’s way of getting a girlfriend check out this article.
This one?
I have a question.
What is the best way to cheat on someone and don’t let the person find out about it?
You have issues.
This Hugh Hefner article.
How to get a girlfriend?
How about spoiling her with all the money you earn online?
By Blogging or anything else? A lot of chicks are interested in money and material comfort. We as Internet Moguls, we have that, don’t we?
You don’t want a woman just interested in your money. Those are called gold diggers and they will rob your blind.
Hey good series thus far. Could you elaborate on the head butt? How does this actually work? Wouldn’t it just hurt? Also I don’t think a ficticous stories is going to attract girls looking for a long term relationship. Maybe, but at some point they will find out the truth.
The point about apologizing and smiling are definitely important! Good stuff Alex!
Thanks. I actually invented smiling in 1984, when I was born. I’m not sure what people did to get girls before that, but ever since I the day I was born it was all the rage.
I like where your head is at… but really, do you even WANT a girlfriend? In my experience, nothing but heartache. I know there’s a few good one’s left out there so if you do try, good luck to you, I hope you find one that is truly a good person. As for me… I may try again some day! haha
Smile and be a gentleman..it does work..really. However, if you have money..sure not just you get a girlfriend, but lots of girlfriends!haha
no way, there is no way this is going to work
Headbutt? Seriously? That’s a new one! As an attorney I’d like to let everyone know that, even if you don’t intend to actually hurt anyone, if you try to headbutt someone and anyone gets hurts — whether it’s the person you tried to headbutt or, say, anyone who comes to her rescue — you can be found 100% legally responsible for any injuries or damages that result (even if the injured party turns out to be what we call an “eggshell” plaintiff, i.e., she happens to have an unusual preexisting medical condition that your headbutt causes serious injuries, including death, that normally would not result from a healthier person — even though you had no way of knowing it). Happy hunting, gentlemen!
Well, maybe you can represent all those ladies that get headbutted and sustain injuries from guys seeking companionship. I wonder who will set up the first headbutting lawyer Adsense arbitrage site?
Do you also recommend sending emails versus giving high fives?
“gently pat certain areas of the women’s body,”
If you don’t do this with finesse, it could come across as pretty creepy.
@ Affiliate Confession
Nope. I’m done with law. Still licensed, but not practicing. Switched to blogging to get away from that all that.
Good for you Shanel. Isn’t the dot com world great!
Totally! I’m absolutely loving it!
Alex – I really enjoy your posts, they are a great supplement to John’s blog . Shoemoney had a problem w/ guest posters just coming on to pimp their products and it created a backlash. John was smart to have you come on because your posts are sincere and they are a service many people reading this blog could use. Thanks.
This still seems about How to Get a Phone Number or Date. Not about How to Get a Girlfriend. All the pickup books really focus on numbers and “closing” ie. sex but none focus on from passion to long lasting relationship.
Be warned: getting a girlfriend will surely distract you and keep you away from your computer. However, money isn’t everything in life, so get a girlfriend to balance out your life.
i bet agreed with that ronald. You have to choose between compters or girlfriend. I wonder what John would choose if he is still single?
I totally disagree. I go out and get “Distracted” A LOT MORE when I Don’t have a GF.
We don’t want anything to keep us from our computers do we?
Geiger, i think you should write about How to Get a Phone Number or Date.
Maybe this should be a topic for a blog about dating instead of Make money online.
Making money online is all about building relationships. So these articles are very related to the topics of the blog.
I am Sorry – But this is in no way related to make money online. Scratch your head – We aspect something else here.
If you don’t think this is related, then that would explain why I make more money online than you.
Okay – Let me learn “HOW TO GET A GIRL FRIEND”
I wanna make lots of money online.
Ok, I just did.
http://www.jaygeiger.com/index.php/2008/06/26/how-to-get-a-phone-number/
Not only is this post sexist and racist, it’s also fundamentally misguided. The first step towards building credibility is to be accountable for your mistakes.
Not having the confidence and capability to recognoze mistaes, admit to them and take responsibility for them and then work to improve the situation would lead to being written off as a showy jackass of no substance.
Nice one.
I would actually say the biggest part of credibility is to be expected NOT to make mistakes. If you’re a apologize all the time, you are seen as weak. Don’t be wrong in the first place!
Nice post Alex, I’ve been studying and applying pickup, personal change and development for a couple years now and even though nothing you wrote is new to me, it’s great for a lot of people here. Some people take what you said too seriously, especially about the “head butt her”, which I know exactly what you mean and how to do it.
It’s all about having a fun vibe and great personality. Not taking yourself too seriously, even if your a billion dollar businessman. I can approve of what Alex is writing because a lot of the advice he has given is true and I’ve done about 90% of it.
It’s not about being someone your not but about bettering yourself in terms of relationships, communications and fun. I remember when I used to be so uptight about everything and finally loosened up, opened my mind, and had fun with just about everything I did. The attraction this creates is deadly and I’m not even exaggerating. By applying what he advises, you’re already separating yourself from 90% of regular men (not including naturals).
This is good stuff, take it, learn from it, and use it. Even if you have a girlfriend/wife because like I said, this isn’t just about woman. It’s about having a better life in general.
When I was going to art school back in the 70’s my room mate was an excellent portrait artist. When we would go out to a bar or club he would take his small sketch book. When he saw a women that caught his eye he would sketch them…… they were very very good and then he would sign it and put his phone number on it and walk over and give the sketch to the women then leave. Nine times out of ten they would call……… very clever.
This arlicle highlight most elements on how to act to get the girl’s love.
Have a wonderful life.
Your bloglog friend coolingstar9
Great tips but theory is theory because I think when it really comes to a real situation, it’s totally a complete scenario.
Ok I dont know where to start. So this is the first article that i have come across in this series on this blog.
N all i can say is that i love it!!!! I actually write a lot of articles on building attraction and what not, but what i really love about this article right here, is that there is NO MANIPULATION whatsoever!
You know even a lot of the programs out there that teach you how to build attraction with the opposite, focus the first part of their program if not the entire program on personal development.
At the end of the day, it comes back down to self confidence. Once you have self confidence in the “dating” arena then its all about developing the “how to techniques”.
All the things that you talk about here are spot on. N i have no doubt that a guy was acting how you describe would be appealing to me or any other female.
Cheers
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
Hot Alpha Female, you just got yourself a new RSS subscriber. Any woman that is honest with herself will admit that they need a confident man. Confident people are more interesting and always come up with something to say that elicits a positive response from all people around him, not just women. Confidence is the first step to being the Alpha Person of the group.
Hi Geiger,
I could not agree any more on what you just said about confidence. N im sure that people are confident in different areas in their lives. N its about transposing those areas into other parts where there could be cause for improvemnet.
Thanks for stopping by =)
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
I have a theory its easier for pretty hot alpha females to build traffic then the rest of us
chumps.
The bottomline is, no one knows what the hell women are thinking, And no one ever will.
You dont have to know what we are thinking, to be successful in relationships with us though.
Its like a light bulb. Do any of you guys truly understand how electricity works? Well i know i dont and frankly all i care about, is knowing how to flick a lightswitch. Because its the knowledge of the being able to flick the switch rather than understanding how the light comes out that will get me the results and benefits i want.
Hope that makes sense
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
This is helpful to the person who don’t have Girlfriend yet.
I love it!
head butt a woman you’re interested inL??? You’ve got to be kidding. Do that to me and you’ll be looking up from the floor in a second and my foot will be pressing on your non-negotiables..
I’ve head butted a few girls before. It works really well. The key is to just give a light tap and not a full head butt.
“These aren’t articles on pick up artistry, in fact, they aren’t about manipulation at all. ”
No need to put down the pick up arts as it looks like you have done a bit of reading on that subject yourself.
I take exception with this comment:
“However, do not fall into the typical female trap/test where she complains and you grovel like a puppy.”
This is a generalization and a bad one at that, my friend.
And this comment just plain borders on misogynistic talk:
“…that you’re quite surprised that she overreacts so much.”
I thought you young dudes were a little more aware than this.
What do people expect from MMO blogs? Online articles about making money online and reviews to several products? Life is constructed to gain relationships and socialize , either you are online or in the society, so an article about dating a girl is always welcome. Well thanks for sharing , everyone needs love anyway. But who wants 6000 Entrecard Credits join my contest at http://broalex.info/win-6000-entrecard-credits/.
Nice contest. I’m offering one two however it pays 10,000 EC credits and there is only one winner.
It’s like a very old say about winners “you didn’t win the second place you lost the first one! “
Wow!!.
Thanks for the tips!!.
I really enjoyed reading your comments guys. For your information the head butting thing was a joke and I’m actually surprised so many people took it seriously – funny!
Is anyone else confused as to why an article about how to get a girlfriend is being posted on this blog?
I mean I guess you can try and take the principlese learned in these articles and apply them towards developing relationships with other bloggers… but it’s just an odd way to discuss the topic imo.
Thanks for the tips, I wish I could do
Interesting little article. Kind of reminds me of that film school for scoundrels. You are clearly a master at this, and i wish i could learn from you first hand, oh wise one!
-Elbe
http://www.hownetworkmarketingworks.com/freevideo.html
arse
John, thanks for advertising on my blog bonoriau.com … it really suprise for me as new comer. Thanks again, hope to be like U soon.
Generally they’re good tips but the “head butt” and “take up space” are bad tips. Are you trying to look like a tuff guy? You need to look high class and successful; not gangster or rugby player like it’s 1995. If you want to look confident, just stand straight.
Leave the head butts for people you really know.. it’s too buddy-buddy. Never stand with your legs and arms spread out unless you’re so muscular that it’s just natural. Otherwise, it’ll look like you’re pretending to have muscles or you’re trying to air out your armpits.
This is hilarious lol. My Fiance, who is Chinese always says to me why I did not look for a rich man. He is educated but poor lol. I say to him, hoe better than to tap into all our resources to build the Yan Empire with our own bare hands together. Hehe I would find just spenign another man’s ready money pretty boring lol. I did my first pice of html coding yesterday and I loved it and now I am in the middle of writing a song I want to put on yourube about a PTC site I love . So guy sjust be natural and yourselves..THAT IS WHEN YOU will get the right girl..money can buy a lot, but not true love..
Now I can say wo ai ni in Chinese too..very romantic..and cans ing Chinese songs.
So, you’re going to ask a girl on the first date how many kids she might like to have. I’m sure that would go over well.
I was a little confused by why this was posted on this blog, but to each his own I guess. Fair is fair though, if you’re going to post How To Get A Girlfriend, I would hope that you will post How To Get A Boyfriend.
This article is for the birds****
If you guys are following the tips in this article, no wonder you are single and I expect you will remain that way. No woman of substance will put up with such bull****!
What’s more, my brothers, while I am biased, are terrific men who would never stoop to such tatics. Women tend to drool as they walk by. It is that confidence and security in themselves that makes them stand out in the crowd.
Furthermore, I know a lot of women who would not take a headbutt kindly. You’re more likely to end up the butt of a bad joke gone wrong!
So do you have a better theory that helps you with women then?
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
HAF, you’re everywhere!
…head butt?
It’s a bold move, I’ll give you that.
How To Get A Boyfriend ? can you write article for me
I guess you guys don’t get out much, huh.
better you post about that girlfriend thing john it makes your blog more interesting to me!
Living with a Mom and Sister I can tell you one thing thats a turn off.
Telling them they are doing something wrong and that you know how to do it right. They seem to get mad at this.
what a rubbish post
Blah blah blah
Sorry i am just in angry because football 
but some good tips there 
Like Shanel Yang, the attorney, said above, “give her a nice solid head butt” is advice only a tard would follow. I’m one of those “eggshell” people who’d be out cold with a mild concussion (unless I have a seizure first), so even if you were making a joke, you’ve now gotta bunch of dummies thinking they’re gonna be head-butting girls all over the place. Way to go, asshat!
Looks as if you’ve been following that other asshat, Mystery, so please stay away from me if you see me anywhere. You try your “kino” on me and I’m slapping you so hard your head will do a 360, and if you sprawl on a sofa as if you own it, I’m gonna point and laugh to draw attention to you.