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How To Get A Girlfriend (Part 1)

written by Alex Shalman on June 16, 2008

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This post was guest blogged by Alex Shalman (RSS).

John and I were having a discussion about what kind of series you guys would enjoy and benefit from at the same time. John is more clever than I am and he calls the shots here, so he decided on a series about how to get a girlfriend. The leading question is, will having more money help you get a girlfriend, and that’s something that will be tied together in the final part of this series.

Qualifications. Yes, I do have a girlfriend. I have read dozens of books on pick up in college and I’m friends with some of the greatest pick up artists in the world. My techniques will most likely work for you, but that depends on if you follow them. My techniques will not be the end all be all, but it’ll give you a different approach to consider.

Hot girlfriend

Part 1 – Building Confidence

  1. Have fun. No matter what the out come, remember to have fun, regardless of the circumstances. Life really is about the journey because whenever you get somewhere you’re always looking for something bigger and better. If you cannot take pleasure in what you have than you aren’t living life properly. Even the worst of times can have an element of fun if you choose them to.
  2. Good intentions. When you have good intentions for another person, such as supporting them with a tough situation or just wanting to entertain them and bring them a good time, you have a totally different mindset as to whether they are judging you or not. When you don’t feel like people are judging you, you are naturally more self-confident.
  3. Positivity. Our whole universe is created from language – that’s right, without language it would not exist. That is why the way you think, feel, and act is also connected to language. By utilizing the most positive language you are effectively changing your frame of mind to be a genuinely positive person.
  4. Gratitude. Be thankful for what you have, instead of looking to get more from yourself. This doesn’t mean stop exercising, making money online, stop learning, or accept that you are single. It simply means that there isn’t anything lacking in you.
  5. Stand Proud. Besides words, body language has a big role in how you will feel. In order to feel confident, stand tall, shoulders back, chin up, and gut in. This will not only exhume confidence to others but literally transform your personal confidence level.
  6. Personal Development. By improving the areas in your life that you think you need to work on you will naturally be more self-confident. You can brush up on all your personal development on my site.
  7. Toastmasters International. Since much of our self-confidence rests in words and language it follows that being able to speak eloquently will boost our self-confidence. I am personally enrolled in Toastmasters, which is a club available world wide, and from the short time I have been with them I have already become more confidence speaking to large groups.
  8. Landmark Forum. Despite what anyone will tell you, I’ll vouch for this as the most transformational seminar you can take. I laugh at people that say it’s a cult, when in reality it’s just a company that offers courses on fortifying your views on life. Coming out of the forum you’ll get rid of all your fears and baggage, and come to the realization that life is meaningless except for whatever meaning you choose to give it.
  9. Exercise. Didn’t think I’d forget about this one, did you? The mere act of exercising, even if you aren’t in shape yet, gives you a huge boost of confidence. This is because you are living into a future of being healthy and energetic, and your current situation will reflect that future.
  10. Dress well. In the name of frugality I do not recommend breaking your wallet for an expensive wardrobe – I don’t. You can get thrifty clothes that fit you body type at less expensive stores like Marshall’s, TJMax, and H&M. Make sure you buy something that fits your body type and style, and if you aren’t sure what that is, find someone who does and ask them to help you shop.
  11. Be Clean. Need I even mention this one? Yes, because not everyone follows this to the T. Washing every day, brushing your teeth, using deodorant, cologne, and having a tidy haircut can all go a long way towards your self-confidence and towards the way people react towards you.

I hope you find the topic of discussion appropriate for this site, since some people here are too busy working hard and making money while neglecting their human needs. Make sure you subscribe so that you don’t miss any parts of this ongoing series.

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{ 91 comments }

Lynn Terry June 16, 2008 at 10:05 am

As a single woman, I would have to suggest #5 be moved to #1. Confidence seems to be the one attribute that overrides all the rest in my book. I love a man that is cocky, confident, secure – can say what he means and mean what he says ;)

Clean is nice too *grin*

Terra Andersen June 16, 2008 at 5:20 pm

Agreed! Also, #11 to #2! I remember this guy I used to work with when I was younger and he always smelled SOOO bad.. his clothes, his breath.. everything. A friend of mine asked him why he always wore the same clothes and never showered, and he replied “Well, I figure I’m just going to go back to work tomorrow and get dirty again… might as well now shower”.

That’s some awesome logic… :shock: :shock:

tyna June 16, 2008 at 7:46 pm

A smelling guy,yuck! thats huge turn off.

Thiago Prado June 17, 2008 at 5:59 am

He’s not alone in this dirty life. I had a college friend that used to think the same way. He used to say “Why I have to take a shower if I’ll get dirty again” and I always replied “Why do you eat if you gonna poop later?”. :!: :?: :!:

Abdul June 16, 2008 at 10:43 pm

Thanks for mentioning which ones are most important ladies, I aqcuire most of those qualities alread so I don’t need to worry about that!

Stephen June 16, 2008 at 10:07 am

Landmark Forum is good, but not for everyone. It really smacks you upside the head with the crap you call your problems and some people can’t handle that. If you’re prepared to set yourself straight, then go!

AJ June 16, 2008 at 10:10 am

Great article and I think it is important to keep in touch with other people and life doesn’t revolve around money.

BCXS - Vancouver June 16, 2008 at 10:20 am

“will having more money help you get a girlfriend” – Yes! I certainly makes it easier to address the points posted… Dressing well, exercise, etc.

Shanel Yang June 16, 2008 at 10:23 am

Great topic, Alex! I also wrote about this important topic in a few of my articles: “Is She Into Me or Just Nice?”; “The Science of Physical Attraction”; “How to Ask for a Date”; “How to Find Your Soul Mate”; and “30 Statements for a Great Relationship.” A great life partner can either be your worst nightmare or the best thing that ever happened to you — your copilot to your (and his/her) dreams. Choose wisely and you will never regret it!

Not John Chow June 16, 2008 at 10:37 am

I am not sure how this post is related to making money online. Maybe we should loose the girl friend!
http://www.notjohnchow.com/not-john-chow-how-to-loose-a-girl-friend/

Abdul June 16, 2008 at 10:45 pm

hah..whats this?

Carn June 17, 2008 at 6:41 am

You should lose one of the ‘O’s out of loose as well.

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 10:49 am

Give him a break, he’s not John Chow :)

kellex June 16, 2008 at 10:46 am

You’re kidding with this post right? The last person on the planet I’d take relationship advice from would be a blogger…and especially not anyone that writes for this site.

JJDW June 16, 2008 at 11:12 am

Yeah, not the crowd I’d be looking to for advice on getting a girlfriend if I were single.

I think most of these are pretty obvious, but the exercise one is something everyone should look at from the list. Give it a week or two and it will make you more positive and confident even before you’re actually in shape. Most want all or nothing instantly so they don’t stick with it.

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 10:50 am

Haha i think you guys are right but those are actually pretty safe and generally good advices :)

Make Money Talks June 16, 2008 at 11:02 am

like Marshall’s, TJMax, and H&M. – Give me address in my country, just kidding, nice article! ;)

Affiliate Confession June 16, 2008 at 6:35 pm

You can get some pretty decent clothes at Goodwill too. No need to spend the big bucks.

Abdul June 16, 2008 at 10:47 pm

That would be the last place I’d check at, I feel embarrased even entering that Shop, I feel like a beggar!

Dot Com Mogul June 16, 2008 at 11:24 am

Strange topic for a MMO blog. I hear driving a flashy car and flashing a bunch of cash helps too. :cool:

John Chow June 16, 2008 at 11:33 am

Actually, the best way to pick up girls is to use a baby. :twisted:

Not John Chow June 16, 2008 at 11:39 am

Cue puppies work too!

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 10:52 am

The iPhone worked pretty good when it was out for the first month!

Alex Shalman June 16, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Props are great, but it might be hard to find a baby, and using your own might be an obstacle.

However, using a tiny fluffy defenseless puppy… that’s another story… :twisted:

Thiago Prado June 16, 2008 at 1:40 pm

not always. In Brazil this trick don’t work. They prefer muscles (car and body). lol :grin:

Binary Ant June 16, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Yeah I used my little sister when she was a baby, I was a teen and all the girls of the street thought that I was the best brother they have ever seen, almos like a young dad. They didn’t know I was only using my sister to make that impression :twisted:

Abdul June 16, 2008 at 10:49 pm

Girls back here love cats, so I had to get one forom my friend just to talk to one!
lol

PaulB June 17, 2008 at 12:20 am

Or A club?

honto June 16, 2008 at 11:45 am

he he!
johnchow dot com, transforms into johnchow date com?
anyway, nice tips

Shawn Knight June 16, 2008 at 1:12 pm

You forgot to add that girls like guys who are jerks! hah

Curious to see how this series plays out. I agree with your comments thus far, but I would say they are all about self-help thus far, being a better person. From my experiences, that doesn’t have “that” much to do with getting a lady. Then again, I am in a unique situation – girls don’t go for the guy in the wheelchair hah

Alex Shalman June 16, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Shawn, I have seen plenty of married men in wheelchairs. Don’t be so hard on yourself. :wink:

Joshua June 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Is that your GF in the image Alex?

Alex Shalman June 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm

No, that is a beautiful woman whose picture I bought from iStockPhotos. The point of the picture was to lure people into reading the article — and that’s today’s lesson in making a post more captivating!

Stak Loaded - How to make money doing nothing! June 16, 2008 at 1:34 pm

whats toastmasters?

Thiago Prado June 16, 2008 at 1:41 pm

It’s the one who makes toasts and announcements at party. :mrgreen:

Stak Loaded - How to make money doing nothing! June 16, 2008 at 2:57 pm

haha really? they teach you how to come up with toasts?

Alex Shalman June 16, 2008 at 8:54 pm

No silly, they teach you how to be a competent communicator. I just wrote a post about them today, check it.

Erin H June 16, 2008 at 1:36 pm

These tips really work!

It’s how my boyfriend got me….

Tom - StandOutBlogger.com June 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm

JohnChow.com is the last place I expected to come and see relationship advice!

Abdul June 16, 2008 at 10:52 pm

Haha, John’s switching sides, from “Make money online”, to “make GFs offline”

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 10:53 am

hmm… make GFs? no thanks….

Shagablogger - Blog Dating Site June 16, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Some good advice :)

Best thing I ever learnt was to speak confidence in public, and be yourself. You get found out that way.

And don’t be afraid. Heck, join dating sites if you’re not getting any luck, as I do find going out you think “are they single? are they single? etc.” (link in my name is one for bloggers :))

Eric June 16, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Once you build these confidence, it is more easier to approach and meet women. Money is not a big factor anymore.

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 10:54 am

If you have a ton of money, you will be quite confident when you approach woman :) It all works hand in hand.

Deal Filter June 16, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Yes. A cute baby is the best way to get the ladies’ attention.

Germz June 16, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Seriously John totally un-needed article got a heck of a laugh from it though.
First the Food articles, and now this lmao can’t wait to see people criticize this.
Your slogan should be “Random Ramblings of a Dot Com Mogul”.

Affiliate Confession June 16, 2008 at 5:21 pm

Don’t forget to floss when you brush your teeth, that can help quite a bit.

Trent June 16, 2008 at 5:38 pm

uh… did I miss something here? At no point whatsoever should ANYONE believe that attending a public forum should come before dressing well, being clean and exercising. Perhaps if you were to perform those three actions everyday you wouldn’t need to learn about picking up girls in a make money blog. Anyway, if one were truly inclined to meet women in a public forum like a convention, can I suggest getting into the adult industry? Many of the same rules apply to making money in adult and the industry trade shows are MUCH easier on the eyes. That way when statistics work in your favor and you actually score, yahtzee!! Sorry for the industry promo… Good luck to everyone in their quest for some coupling.

fxho June 16, 2008 at 6:17 pm

To quote Murphy: Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

yooRyoo June 16, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Umm, Landmark Forum…to get a girlfriend? So, basically, pay hundreds of dollars to get a girlfriend then, right? Maybe for general confidence, but I think there may be easier (cheaper) ways to get a girlfriend.

Affiliate Confession June 16, 2008 at 6:28 pm

In point #5 I’m assuming you meant to say exude confidence rather than exhume (dig up) confidence.

Brad K. June 16, 2008 at 6:34 pm

You might consider the difference between joy and humor. There is no humor without pain. Leave the ‘sense of humor’, the jokes, the pranks, the making fun of others, and the gossip alone. Stick to simple pleasures – sunsets, things of beauty, the peace of sunrise. Don’t be the ‘life of the party’ – be happy, instead. Respect yourself, your friends that deserve respect, and choose a partner worthy of respect.

Shaun Carter June 16, 2008 at 6:47 pm

Great list… I’m looking forward to reading the rest of this post series.

tyna June 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm

John and Alex how does the post help me?

tyna June 16, 2008 at 7:44 pm

Ok just for the fun of it,be yourself at all times.I heard that blings work well too.

Internet Marketing - Best Web Ezy June 16, 2008 at 8:18 pm

I seriously think this series is going to help a lot of people. This includes engineers and programmers. No offense, but I have seen SO MANY engineers and programmers who cannot communicate with others. (If you are an engineer or programmer and think you can, and thinked twice and you still think you can communicate with others esp. to different sex, then you are the exceptional one. Congratulations. I am sure there will be exceptional ones.) They just live in their own world and thinks everything would work just the way they think they are. They think that insulting girls / make fun of girls / make girls embarrassed means “I am interested in you” (just like a kid). They don’t clean themselves, they don’t talk properly except in C++, they don’t dress well and have a big tummy and think that’s sexy, and they fix a toaster at home and brag about it for a year.

I am sure this series of post would be a life saver to them.

Ed Lau June 16, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Taking advice from John? He told me doing the robot at the club would get chicks!

Return To Manliness June 16, 2008 at 11:08 pm

Great article. You forgot the one most important trait that will not only land you in the sack with her, but will also make certain you are compatible for the long term – LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. This is huge for women and MUCH more importantly, for finding that often elusive girl that works for you. This trait might be wrapped up in #6 Personal Development, but it really should have its own number on this list. Most important tip: treat her like she is the only person in the room when you are listening to her. Look into her eyes and be active in what she is saying…

tyna June 18, 2008 at 8:34 pm

You are very correct,that should have been in the list.

Mike Huang June 16, 2008 at 11:14 pm

Hmmm…John, I think you should have reconsidered this post :P I’ve been seeing a few comments and messages to me that stated that this post was completely off-topic…

-Mike

PaulB June 17, 2008 at 12:24 am

I’d love a girlfriend, unfortunately I think the wife would bitch about it! Then there would be the whole arguments, then the expensive divorce where she gets the house and my lovely new TV and I’m left watching a 21″ box in a flat. Think I’ll just stick to looking instead.

My no1 tip for picking up girls is to be yourself, unless you’re a pr!ck in which case try to copy of somebody who is not a pr!ck. Also hanging around the dance floor during last orders seems to work quite well, or at least it did in a previous life :)

Misohoni June 17, 2008 at 12:28 am

Hehe you write the post in the same fashion as you would for promoting a site ;)

I would recommend for people to read the list, but not to memorise it. Use it as inspiration and be yourself. Not sure I can agree with buying your clothes at TKmax or H and M though! You can always get good quality clothes from ebay or during the sales…

Lance June 17, 2008 at 4:12 am

I’ll be interested to see where this series goes…I’m actually a budding social artist and we’ve probably read many of the books. My blog actually is all about dating, relationships, and meeting women, so this is a topic near and dear to my heart.

As far as money getting you a girlfriend…of course! It helps, but there’s a lot more to it than that, such being social and looking for quality women in the right places.

Zander Chance June 17, 2008 at 8:41 am

JohnChow.com has sunk to an all-time low. :oops:

tkada.com June 17, 2008 at 9:20 am

Yeah the tips of making girl friends is smart am going to try this and get more!!!

OCGolfCourse June 17, 2008 at 11:00 am

This post is totally off topic but at the same time it’s perfectly fitting for this site :)

Good post and great marketing post, John.

BriskShare Link Directory June 17, 2008 at 4:38 pm

Good post. I think everyone knows this stuff though

Ben Dere June 17, 2008 at 6:53 pm

First of all, Landmark Forum is ridiculous. Stay far away from this cult. It started out as EST and is similar to Scientology…. go research the original founder. OK, now as far as some of the common sense advice in the article.. ummmm duh.. take a bath.

Seriously though, this is a load of crap unless you like average looking women. No offense but they are easy to pursue. If you want something very attractive then listen to what one of the female posters said about confidence. Don’t listen to the ‘love experts’ they are full of it. Confidence and wit work best. Don’t ever let’em see you sweat…. and dear God don’t tell them how hot they are. Actually pull the opposite, maybe diss them slightly and then throw in a compliment.

Alex Shalman June 17, 2008 at 10:06 pm

Landmark is great organization that offers a very unique, interesting, inspiration and most importantly useful course. I’ve seen nothing but positive results both for myself and other people in my life from their participation.

Joel Falconer June 17, 2008 at 7:42 pm

I’m waiting for the ultra-hardcore unreasonably ridiculous faction of the feminists to come out in force over this post ;)

The baby thing really works. Unfortunately, I was already married when I discovered this ;)

Bambang Wahyudi June 18, 2008 at 12:53 am

This is the fantastic tips and not wrong to try.. :smile:

Start Blogging June 18, 2008 at 7:54 am

Haha, very humorous post! A bit irrelevant, but funny nonetheless.

Mike Stoute June 18, 2008 at 9:46 am

Jumping on the band wagon? Yeah these are practical things that every human could do to make themselves better.

More regurgitated self help material pawned off as seduction.

As far as qualifications, Tynan might be good (idk, never met him) but he is definitely not one of the greatest pick-up-artists in the world, he is not on any of the top 10 or 25 lists of other blogs in the industry.

You would think such a pro blogger as (john chow) would at least get a known figure in the industry to write a column like this.

Alex Shalman June 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm

Top 10 list or not Tynan was in the Project Hollywood house when the industry began to pick up. In my book he’s awesome. I guess that’s all that matters since I’m the one writing the articles and you are the one reading them, right?

tyna June 18, 2008 at 8:41 pm

A known figure in the industry of getting a girlfriend?

Mike Stoute June 18, 2008 at 9:04 pm

Yes tyna,

there is a whole industry behind helping men achieve their goals with women in life.

tyna June 19, 2008 at 2:56 am

I never knew that,maybe i should change my profession
and be the best in that industry.What do you think Mike?

Mike Stoute June 19, 2008 at 7:33 am

tyna,

maybe, women are always welcome in the industry ;)

Mike Stoute June 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm

I know he was in project Hollywood (big woop), I wasn’t referring to him anyway.

I was referring to you writing this column, thats the problem. I would think such a pro blogger as john chow would have done a little research and picked a real person in the industry. Not just some guy who no one knows in the niche and has a few articles about “The Game”. Old news..

Lance June 18, 2008 at 2:46 pm

Damn! Mike, coming down hard. I had the same reaction when I read the post but I also want to see how the series plays out. Probably would have been better if Alex had just left off the “qualifications” section of his post entirely without referencing the PU stuff. John probably doesn’t know any PUA’s personally (my guess) which is why he asked Shalman, a personal development guy.

Alex Shalman June 18, 2008 at 3:09 pm

John Chow did do his research. That’s why I’m writing here. :twisted:

Mike Stoute June 18, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Lance, you’re the man..
Maybe I am jumping the gun.. or maybe this will encourage them to make the series better.
You don’t think chow could have rounded up a pro? I do.. I think it’s more like this guy was doing a column and since he wanted it different, he forced it.
You are also correct with the qualifications statement, maybe thats why I got a little tickled. That was a bad way to start it..

Still thinking our 31 days to better game series will far surpass this ;)

Mike Stoute June 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Then I guess John Chow doesn’t know much about this either.. :twisted:

jonson roth June 19, 2008 at 4:37 pm

So, what? I should go to a dating site now to get advice about making money online? Next thing I know, you guys will be writing about eating food out of toilet bowls. Oh wait, you already did. Seems like JC has nothing left to write about, so he’s now covering whatever nonsensical crap comes to mind. Or hiring someone to do it.

Ned Carey June 19, 2008 at 5:32 pm

Interesting, You get more coments about dating then you do for posts about making money. I wonder how many you would get if the blog was about dating.

Turn One Pound Into One Million June 20, 2008 at 3:50 am

My Gran always told me never to trust a man with dirty fingernails – so clean ranks pretty highly for me! However, her husband was clean and smart but had a nasty gambling habit….so be warned!

Forumistan June 24, 2008 at 8:05 am

All 3 parts are really great. Hope it helps.

oni temitope Adekunle June 25, 2008 at 1:27 pm

tHANK YOU ,
jOHN Chow I appreciate your effort connecting me and other subscribers with daily letters to assist us all had been interesting and useful for fuiture office , thank you .
Today am amazed is this an offer , or advice nor encouragement, I did not dispute it , I cherich the way lerics you gave to get a girl friend . but you know what I love girls , but am just too busy for myself ,and I let forget the rest cause I trears to think of it , you cant understand but maybe when next I remain alive Gods willing I may write you that I love that Letter [How to Toast A Girlfriend ] but its painful , mama destroy my joy and love for woman , mum never gave me couraghe to love a lady not to imagine if I would marry even if I wills, mum destroy my Happyiness in a true woman, Daddy beats my Lover and sent her out of the home many years back , ohh can I have a lady to ever love me again cause I cant remember where I lost nor kept my feelings anylonger , I dont want what mama did to me to happing again, please John Chow if as much as you still need me to check on any of your letters convinently , forget mailing suchj of much Information to me about how to love a lady … I dont know but listen to me if my assailants in Nigeria where I write yiou at moment do not succide in there murderous attempt on my life with all there accusationn in treat against my destiny, as soon as I enter USA Nor Canada Gods willing I would wash my earth and marry whom Gods will but now forget it.

Let me expose this true true lies to you straight The same me silverLight kis the Same Ifaorunmila to you write on those two IP so for SilverLight to have a space to attend to important letters in mail .

Bye and thank you and remain bless , this last drop of tears from my eyes droped down to my chest and the heat in the tears burns down deep in to my Heart.

When I need this can of connect I would write you myself and trell you to do so.
Pardom me among you two daughters is there one of them fits enough for marriage . I dont think so yet but If could wait I would do that , I Love AsIAN gILRS , even for a wife cause you know what they would give me the gentle spirit I need to serve God in peace and not pieces . bye Chow I have a special news for your news daily at which you only would publish , its has nothing to do with the Christian tales nor religious issue , but a true life story at which Immediately I forward letter to you alone not for payment , I would be fiorced to committe sucide by my Folks downtown home town , do yiou know that all the money and benefit for SilverLight Computer to move ahead is not within my reach despite how I have the access to them in my mails , they want me dead tell America all this I tell you but not what I want to give you to publish out .
Jow I love to tell you more but I woudnt be able cause am not happy , I asked why me among all on earth with such a cross , what cross ? yes that is what I would forward to you soon .

Gemini June 28, 2008 at 6:51 am

In my opinion (and from my personal experience too :)), Confidence is THE most important aspect of winning a girlfriend. Second most important is Be Yourself. Girls can easily make out if someone is being himself, or just acting!

temizlik June 30, 2008 at 12:03 am

thank you….

temizlik July 2, 2008 at 8:31 am

thank you wery much